Don't Look Down

"Whatever you do, don't look down." Advice usually spoken to a person standing on a precipice. Well people, I am teetering on the edge of change (aka baby number 3). And those words of wisdom have yet to help me. For the last 7 months, I have done exactly that... not looked down. I focused on more pressing matters and paid little attention to my ever changing figure. Mad cravings and cankles were given little thought...perhaps a weird side effect from bad Indian food.

Problem #1: All the realizations that a person would normally have experienced in the beginning of pregnancy are hitting me NOW. So with less than 3 months to go, I feel like I just had a date with my EPT and must prepare for the aftermath. All I can say is holy bananas! What am I going to do with 3 little people?! My sanity is already in question. The midgets will have me surrounded! Our man on man defense is shot. What do I do when they all decide to mutiny and run in different directions? Are kid leashes still kosher? What do you do with a newborn? I think I have blocked it all out for a reason. We've come so far with the first 2 kiddos. We can go to the movies and talk politics. Who pressed the reset button?

Problem #2: I am having delusions! First, I do not recognize my own body. I feel like a science project in paneled pants. I could charge admission. When reflecting on my pre-baby bod, I fancy myself to have looked quite a bit like Heidi Klum. Please say nothing! Remember, I'm delusional. Now I feel like someone photo-shopped my head onto Roseanne Barr's fuller figure. To top it off, I fantasize about working out. Right now just putting on socks is exhausting. My poor lungs are out of real estate and I am constantly out of breath. I sound like an obscene caller all the time. I dream of doing sit ups and laying on my stomach. I haven't been able to locate my ribs for quite some time. I long for rigorous bike rides and long runs. HA- where were those desires 7 months ago? When I am not cursing at skinny runners, I am marveling at their agility due to the fact I no longer walk, I lumber.

Solution to Problems 1 & 2: Accept my reality and embrace the look of a wild-eyed mad woman. I hear that comes with 3 kids. I think I would have preferred a complimentary toaster for all my trouble, but what are you going to do.