Tuesday, January 15, 2008

One of these things is not like the Other

Do you ever find yourself repeating the same mistake, but hoping for a different result? Have you ever thought, this time it will be different? Well people I am still learning my lesson.

Let me take you back to where it all began. 29 years ago, I was born an albino. I know, I don't look like your average albino. The blue eyes and violent shock of red hair that I sported as a child excluded me from the typical albino profile. But take me out into the sun and there was no denying it... I glow and not in an ethereal way. Through the years, I held onto the hope that my dormant skin pigment would one day manifest itself into beautiful olive skin. I sound delusional don't I? Most of my friends were praying they wouldn't lock braces with a boy and here I was praying for a solid tan. Eventually the heavens threw me a bone and gave me some freckles, so I was tan 'in spots'. But a girl can only endure being accused of having the chicken pox so many times... Yep, my vanity got me modern day leprosy.

Anyhoo, 29 years later I have come to the realization that I will not tan. I will burn, freckle or glow. Those are my options. I have traded the oil and foil for SPF 50 and a broad rimmed hat. I am bringing sexy back. The point of this whole diatribe is...To spray tan or not to spray tan? Is a tan in a can better than letting go & embracing my glow? You see years ago, they came up with the concept of painting pigment-challenged people such as myself. They needed a guinea pig and I was more than happy to oblige. I have been helping them perfect their products ever since. I have had the colored palms and experienced the many unnatural shades of orange to prove my dedication.

So my question is this, at what point do I embrace my inner Nicole Kidman and let that unattainable Baywatch Beauty run in slow motion off into the sunset?

P.S. I am writing this in anticipation of and preparation for a trip requiring a swimsuit. Yikes!

4 comments:

Em N. said...

embrace april- we all know you're tan on the inside! he he he
p.s. can't wait to see you
p.p.s. remind me to tell you the story of my self-tanning primary co-teacher

Kristen said...

I thought the last spray on tan you had done with your grandma was a big hit. you looked great! I think you will be grateful for your "white" skin when you are older and won't look like a dried up apple like I will. (too many years in the sun!) Have fun on your cruise! What a lucky girl!We really need to plan one with (your other friends) so take good notes!

Brooke said...

I hope you are having fun! Please let me know how the spray tan went. I think you look great white! It would be weird if you had a tan, you just wouldn't look like the April we love!

Elise said...

Remember San Diego and the tanning salon??? he he he. Your posts are AWSOME. You really should write a column in a news paper or something : ) Hope you had a spectacular vacay... you little world traveler...

e

p.s. I think we are going to try to get a DG blog base somewhere so we can all connect. I'll let ya know!