Behind every great set of pearly whites, there's a great dentist. It is a noble profession, especially when my dragon breath is your 8am appointment. I went today. I love my dentist who also happens to be one of my father's frat buddies. I don't know if that helps his credibility. No, I did not have to drink fluoride out of a boot while getting paddled. Hazing is now against the law people! He must have been a real hoot back in the day with his party tricks. Because for some reason, he seemed to enjoy asking questions right as he was wedging a grown man's fist in my mouth. Thank goodness he strapped a bib on me, because my response went a little like this "Hmmmrrpphhmmrrpphpmm" with a lot of drool. I literally did "talk to the hand". As my mouth was resuming it's original shape, I further attempted to exchange pleasantries. This too proved difficult considering he was wielding an object that could remove tartar and an eyeball. No sudden movements! Feel free to just tell me the story- no need to act it out!To top it off, I don't think honesty is always the best policy even if you are wearing a white lab coat. Things were wrapping up when I decided to mention a newly discovered chip on my tooth. Can't quite pinpoint the cause...radio flyer accident, first and only girl fight, opening a pickle jar, the possibilities are endless. I was just curious. I wasn't looking for an extreme makeover. My dentist decided to take the road that should be less traveled by. He decided to ease my worries by pointing out another chip here, a crooked tooth there, and so on. I started to feel like snaggletooth- a snaggletooth that should ask for her money back. Yep, one little chip became a laundry list of imperfections. Gosh, I'd like to have this guy around on my worst day. I encouraged him to keep going, but to let me get a magic marker so he could circle the afflicted areas. Seriously buddy, keep going until you get to my love handles. HA! In hindsight, I should have shoved my fist in his mouth while he was talking. That is the last time I point out what I refer to as 'flaws that add character'. And heaven forbid I get a cavity- he might just point out that I have one leg shorter than the other.
5 comments:
you have one leg shorter than the other? maybe connor is really YOUR son. i'll have to show you sometime. i think going to a dentist is kind of personal (for me anyway) it's like going to the gynocologist. I don't want anyone I know to be probing around in my mouth (or any other area) our bishop is a dentist and it is surprising how many people go to him from our ward. I would be too worried that he thought my mouth hygiene wasn't where it ought to be or something.
You seriously are hilarious!!! I love your thoughts, ok and by the way you have a gorgeous smile and always have that is acutally something that i have always noticed about you...ok ok enough flattery but seriously great teeth! Hey if you send me your email (i wont publish the comment with it) I will send you my little tutorial for the baby doggy bed...super easy! it takes 1 hour tops
hi april. i am a friend of amy cannon's. she sent me this way for a dose of "funnies" and thanks to you and your HILARIOUS writing ability, i have now wasted an hour reading this instead of preparing a young women's lesson for an 8:30 start time. hmmm...what great movie can i round up?
Hope you don't mind my lurking.
Don't pretend like you're just 'throwing in' the line about one leg shorter than the other-- i know your gene pool....
Hey, and do you think that's why one shoulder is a few inches lower than the other too? Just wondering.
You are too much fun. Please post a picture of your husband's hair. I love boys and their funny stuff.
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