It's the end of an era. Today I finished breastfeeding. The milk factory has shut down. The lactation station in no longer. No more indecent exposure in public. I am not a food source. E is officially as they say in the South "off the tit". I must admit that it is bittersweet. Bitter, in that I can no longer burn 2,ooo calories sitting on my keister. Sweet, in that I have a new found sense of freedom!My body is once again mine or what's left of it. After my last feeding, I proudly strutted to the mirror and gave it my best "Girls Gone Wild" flash. And then with new eyes, I saw what was left of them. The aftermath of pregnancy and breastfeeding was quite apparent. I don't know what I was thinking. Did I think they would plump right back up to pre-baby body? I should have known better. The old grey mare definitely ain't what she used to be! There they were... deflated party balloons, melted ice cream cones, 'Girls Gone South'. The cup was not even half full. ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHH! At this point, you might be thinking this kind of talk is not very lady-like (sorry Mom). Well people, if I looked like a lady I would talk like one.
Alas, all is not lost. Victoria Secret has come a long way. It's just back to ample padding and false advertising. Perhaps I'll invest in those rubber boobs that look like chicken cutlets. Either way, I would sacrifice it all over again for the cause.
Closing thought:
Why is it that celebrities get hotter after babies. They are practically on the runway 6 weeks later (still love ya Heidi Klum). I know where I messed up...I should have found a plastic surgeon to deliver my babies instead of an OBGYN. What was I thinking?! Maybe Dr. Rey will be available next time.
6 comments:
Through the crazy world of bloggin' I have found your hilarious blog! Amen to that post. What was once will never be again! All for the love of babies. Looks like you are keeping busy with your little circus act.
For your next one??? :)
does this mean E will not be joining us at our girl's retreat?
so glad you have your boobs back-it's a great feeling!
all that's left are the bags they came in, right?
Deflated balloons filled with 1/2 teaspoon of sand! Sad but true. I would be happier with my pre puberty flat chest rather than what's left after breast feeding. Dr. Rey anyone?
No, not Dr. Rey, go for the oriental lady. I like her a lot more. Dr. Rey's a dork. All I have to say about the deflated is, I know exactly how you feel. I ditto everything you said. Its pretty depressing that I had bigger ta tas when I was in seventh grade. Maybe we can get a two for one deal on enhancement?
No, not Dr. Rey, go for the oriental lady. I like her a lot more. Dr. Rey's a dork. All I have to say about the deflated is, I know exactly how you feel. I ditto everything you said. Its pretty depressing that I had bigger ta tas when I was in seventh grade. Maybe we can get a two for one deal on enhancement?
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